I’m tired today.
I’ve been watching all morning the vitriol back and forth between people I know, all of whom would claim to love Jesus. So much judgement being hurled. It hurts and it feels personal. It all has to do with the Women’s March.
When I first heard about the march happening here in LA, I was excited. I saw it as a chance to “pray with my feet” for the rights of minority women, immigrants, and refugees. It seemed to be a way to put action to my verbal protest of rhetoric and policies that are coming from our now president and his administration.
Then I saw the article from Christianity Today and learned all about how clearly it was being communicated to pro-life groups that their support wasn’t wanted.
Sigh. As a woman of color who values life from conception to death, I hated the sinking feeling that came from knowing my values weren’t wanted at the table in this march. It stung.
I live in two very different worlds.
So, I decided to sit it out today. I knew friends who were going anyway, “complicating the narrative” as some were saying by being pro-life marchers in the mix. They were the believers holding signs saying things like “no human is illegal”, “black lives matter” and “refugees welcome”. Some were marching for Native women. Some were marching alongside their Muslim friends. Some were marching with their young kids, praying they will grow to know a better country. They were my people, and they didn’t take the lack of alignment with the entire platform of the march as a sign they couldn’t come and walk in solidarity with women whose values overlapped in a many ways with Imago Dei. I supported them in spirit. Prayed for them as I saw their pictures online.
But then I saw all the other posts. Friends who were indignant that anyone who valued life would be out there today. Friends who said things about how those liberals just needed to stop the whining because women are not actually oppressed.
I live in two very different worlds. I live in a world where friends who follow Jesus saw their march today as a living out of gospel values in both word and deed, even if they disagreed with parts of the platform as Christian women and men. I also live in a world where, to other friends, it was unfathomable that any true follower of Jesus would march next to anyone who thought killing babies was okay. To them, it was a politically liberal march with a liberal agenda. It was a bunch of angry women wearing pink hats yelling about vaginas. That’s it.
If I’m honest, I know that both of these worlds were in my head when I decided to stay home today. I also know, again if I’m being truly honest, that I stayed back today partly because of my moral conscience, but also because the world of my friends who would judge me for going felt too weighty for me right now. I have been so hurt the last few months (and years) by Christians whom I would call friends. Friends who have questioned whether I care at all about the unborn. Friends who have made outrageous, evil claims about me related to why I voted for Hillary. Friends who have dismissed my concerns about Trump as insignificant in light of supreme court justices and roe v wade. My objections were simply a sign that I had strayed too far and had become “liberal”. The label itself has become the ultimate way for evangelicals to malign their fellow Christians who disagree with them.
So, I made a decision to not to invite more criticism by showing up at a march for women’s rights that some of my brothers and sisters in Christ saw as questionable at best, morally bankrupt at worst. I was tired of being labeled and targeted as someone who was outside the evangelical club because of my advocacy for marginalized communities of color. I hated giving my evangelical friends another reason to throw me outside the gates because it wasn’t clear enough-based on only my Facebook posts-where I stood on issues like abortion.
Ironically, the more I have come alongside the marginalized, the more pro-life I have become. I have sat in women’s clinics with students who having already had abortions, hoped beyond hope that God could have mercy on them. I’ve talked to Christian women who daily live through the haunting trauma of having aborted a child and are never able to tell another person about it because of their fear of rejection by the Church. It is because of these and many other stories that I remain pro-life.
But, alas, it has become easier to label me as “liberal”, instead.
I would also love to work at bridging this divide that exists in between my two worlds. Worlds that I care about and worlds where I still find myself. But the gap just seems to get wider, and my arms just seem to get tired trying to hold myself in the tension.
Well, I’m tired of issues like immigration, Black Lives Matter, and refugees all being labeled as a liberal agenda. Because my motivation behind these social issues, and many others, is not primarily political but theological. Imago Dei, Imago Dei, Imago Dei is the compass that holds me to standing alongside these communities. I believe it is what it means to live out of Micah 6:8. I believe it is how I model my belief not only in the death and resurrection of Jesus, but also in the life he lived too.
Now at the close of the day as the marches have ended and people head home, I see I made my decision based on exhaustion and fear, rather than out of conviction. I should have marched today. That would have been me living out of my convictions.
And I would also love to work at bridging this divide that exists in between my two worlds. Worlds that I care about and worlds where I still find myself. But the gap just seems to get wider, and my arms just seem to get tired trying to hold myself in the tension. Friends, I’m tired of being tired.
Lord, have mercy on your church. Lord, have mercy on me.
Friend, thank you for your thoughts, your heart, and for living by conviction. There’s got to be more common ground, listening, healthy dialogue, humility, understanding & respect between these two “worlds”. Bridge building between them. Sounds exhausting. In talking about MLK day this week, I have to honestly wonder if I’d have been so much on his side back in the day. Sounds ridiculous now…
Yes, I ask myself often if I would have been on the right side of history. Don’t know, but I want to be now! Yes, hoping for better dialogue. Hoping. not too expectant..but hoping :).
From a fellow Kristy, thank you. I can’t put into words what this means to me, how you captured so much of what I feel. Just, thank you.
Thank you for this. I’m tired too. It helps to know you’re not alone.
Great thoughts. You articulated a tension so many feel.
Appreciated your reflection, Kristy. I, too, feel the tension of living in two worlds. Thank you for taking the risk of putting your thoughts out there and for so clearly articulating what many of us feel when trying to live out passages like Micah 6:8 and Isaiah 61. <3
This. All of this. I am so conflicted. I feel and believe that I am following Christ and that walking alongside the marginalized is right and glorifies God. But then, I hear such an opposing view from SO many fellow believers. Am I missing something? Am I believing lies? I am seeking God on how to walk out my faith in this current political mine field. It seems like it should be black and white but it is so very gray.
Well said Kristy. Love your voice and heart and thoughts. I resonated with much of what you shared. And as it has been said it helps to know we’re not alone.
Thanks do your words! You phrase it so well by expressing your motivation for supporting certain issues is the Imago Dei. Thanks for the courage of puttin this out here!!
Love you friend, and I feel this pain with you. ❤️❤️❤️
I was aware around 11am yesterday, that I regretted my choice not to be at Denver’s march…it has felt hard to give words to how easily I let regularly scheduled life convince me I couldn’t make it work. I feel less alone in my fear, exhaustion and regret reading what you wrote. Thank you.
11am was about my “come to Jesus” moment yesterday too. Thanks for sharing. If I keep excavating my motives, some of it was probably just the inertia of letting daily life dominate. Agree with you!
Kristy, this was so good. Thank you for sharing.
Yes! A thousand times yes!
Thank you, Kristy.
thankful for this. oh, yes. jesus, be big!
Thank you for this. I also chose to stay home and wrestled with that decision yesterday because so much of the march I believe in. And it was so powerful but I am pro life and I was hurt by the exclusion shared. Your words are a balm.
Thank you SO much for this. This post and these comments are so encouraging and reminding me that although it may feel like it, I’m not alone. I work with Daniel Reyna, he shared this with me, and I’m SO glad he did!
Love Daniel Reyna! The Robinson team out here are fans of him. Thanks for sharing here.
This was so good. I would of marched had I known about it sooner. I wish I would of. Also pro-life but still love my pro-choice friends. Also tired of the tension. Also reminded by your words we are not alone, and reminded that we are too grow weary but not give up. Maybe if we aren’t growing weary we aren’t really IN the battle. The tension is where we need to be I suppose. ❤ I also think God allowed you to feel tired, just to process alone, and then to write and express how so many feel.
Thank you. The tension has made me feel sick, but your words are like balm. Thank you for bridging the gap with your words and the vulnerability required to share your struggle.
As an Asian American female pastor, I am so grateful for what you shared here so bravely and honestly. I believe that the work of reconciliation is done in these places of tension, so let us hold each other up.
Agreed! Thanks for the encouragement and for your bravery in the trenches.
Thank you for this. I just kept saying “amen amen amen amen” as I read through this. Keep writing.
Hey! My name is Christy and I am SO grateful you wrote this. I was counseling a friend online last night who is struggling with her faith because of the labels that are thrown at her (if she cares about the poor, the lives of immigrants, Black Lives Matter, etc that she is questionably a Christian.) The most vitriol I have experienced in years has been from evangelical Christians I called friends and relatives this last year. I feel your weariness sister. But from a stranger on the internet, keep on pressing on. There are more of us out there than we realize because the noise is so loud.
I think the next time someone throws the term “liberal” at me as an insult, I am going to try to look them in the eye, and proudly say, “Yup! I also believe in the inerrancy of Scripture and that Jesus is on his throne.”
Or maybe I will chicken out. Who knows? 🙂
Blessings and love to you. So much of what you said reflects my feelings and thoughts. Prayers for you as you continue living in the tension.
It is like you wrote the words from my heart. Thank you Kristy! You encourage me. Love to you.
Thank you, Kristy! You captured it well.
I mostly struggle because “Everybody’s doin’ it!” while I disagree with too much of it. I want people to like me, but also, as his ambassador, to like Jesus. In this way, my people-pleasing fear of man has proven indeed to be a big snare; and I’ve concluded that it is not in my job description be Jesus’ PR manager or image consultant.
Many people I care about are so fired up and angry that I don’t dare attempt a “let’s-reason-together” conversation with them, at least not at emotionally “raw” times as these. Listening is good. Being with people and listening shows respect. I suppose marching with a friend, even if my mouth is mostly shut, is better than armchair judging from a distance, justifying myself. The love and respect shown by listening alone may open a person up to listening to me, if not also, more importantly, teach me something. So there’s hope in that. But it’s ultimately all about Jesus (“What’s this, and my involvement in it, got to do w/Jesus?”); at some point I must clearly, firmly offer them Christ as their heart’s true fulfillment.
[Aside: Did we not all understand going into this that both sides were not happy with their candidate AND that, at the end of the day, there were really only two sides to choose from?]
There are indeed shared values I might’ve marched for. Even if I disagreed with all the marchers’ issues, however, their desperate heartbreak alone gives me urgency to want to do or support SOMETHING(!).
Of course we Christians could avoid “complicating the narrative” by sponsoring our own rallies. But we know that the way to get things done is on our knees. We also know that such “rallies” wouldn’t be good enough for them, for we could not, in good conscience, pray for many of the “rights” the people of our world are so passionate about. Love people “like it’s our job,” but know who is our Boss.
I so appreciate your thoughts. There must be much more of a willingness for evangelicals to “agree to disagree” on political issues and a willingness to understand the other point of view and still love and respect each other. I agonized over this election. We need to be the church and love one another!
We need you!! Continue to stand in the gap! Be light in the darkness. Bearing your soul. Thanks for risking your thoughts to move us forward.
Thanks,Tommy. Blessing to you in the gap too.
Kristy – thank you so so so much for writing something I resonate so deeply with. I marched locally on Saturday, but didn’t post very openly about it on social media because I live somewhere in the middle spaces and was afraid of similar criticisms from people within some of my Christian circles. But honestly, as I put more time in between, I’m realizing what is even worse is the potential for silent judgment from these people. Sigh.
Mexican American, female and Republican puts me in a very rare category. But I like rockish music, and other things that church would call “too liberal”. I am pro life, but working in the medical field makes me understand the absolute right of pro choice. I may not like it but definitely understand it. The women who have had abortions need no condemnation from us, they need a hug full of Jesus’s love. Yes, there are so many things still left to fight for, but it’s hard when those you are fighting for say no thank you. I thought I was the only one who lived in these 2 worlds. It’s hard raising kids like this. Thank you for sharing! And even though I am Republican I did not vote for him.
Kristy – I love this. I think so many of us are feeling this tension if our beliefs don’t fit in one of two boxes. How have we reduced our belief systems to such an oversimplified construct?! I’ve actually seen a need for believers who feel like they don’t belong in either camp and started a FB group for us. A safe place of grace to vent and share political ideas that are against the norm. If anyone wants in, feel free to PM me on FB: Amy Crouch Wiebe.
Thank you! I agree with everyone here!!
This resides to close to home. I had a prior commitment to fulfill but had the opportunity to experience the afterglow in Chicago. I took photos. Controversial ones…the lady wrapped in an American flag from planned Parenthood and the Syrian family with their young daughter holding a sign this is our America. And I was scared. To tell my Christian friends that I would of liked to have marched.
Next time…I will
Yes, me too!
Thank you for your post. God bless you!
Wow….I am so glad you shared your heart…I too have been going through convulsions since the reality of Trump being an actual candidate unfolded before my very shocked eyes!!
I am a Mexican/Native American woman who is pro-life and have voted Republican since I was 18 until this election. THERE was NO WAY I would ever vote for a man who said such vulgar things about women and races and nationalities! I am at a loss of words on how anyone who calls them self a Christian can vote for this man….and to see the Church and Pastors who I once looked up to promote and praise and Pray over him like he is the answer for America….??? I kept telling my husband that we were in the Twilight Zone…people are being deceived by this MAN who is no where close to representing the Christ I have walked with for 34 years!!
It has been a shock to say the least and for the first time in my Christian walk to have to hold my tongue so I don’t say something that will cause major friction has been exhausting! So yes, I can totally relate with you, I did not march because I did notice that it was very “pro-abortion” and I knew I could not put myself in that group. At 17 years old I found myself pregnant in my senior year of high school, I went to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test and yes, it came back positive! I sat there speechless and ashamed as I had grown up in the church and new better but here I was. And what did they tell me…the first thing out of the woman’s mouth was, “when would you like to schedule your abortion?”!!! No other counseling was given, no other option was suggested…the first thing was let’s schedule this for you so you can get back to school!! I looked at her, jumped off the examining table and said, “That is not an option, I am keeping this baby!” and I walked out!! Yes I was scared, yes I didn’t know what I was going to do, or how I was going to tell my family, but thank God the Holy Spirit inside me telling me it was going to be Ok, no matter how hard it might be, God was with me and forgave me.
As a woman of color who has seen my husband and my children profiled by the police because of the color of their skin makes every bone in my body want to stand with those who are oppressed!! It is a fine line we have to walk and I truly believe by this whole election that we are truly entering into the last days…where evil becomes good and good becomes evil. I know that a lot of my Christian friends think I am nuts anyway because of my Pentecostal background but all I know is with out the Holy Spirit, I would not be here today.
Thank you for your openness to be vulnerable – there a many of us who, like you are caught between these 2 worlds feeling like the Church is against us for our heart for injustice….which is exactly why Jesus came to this earth in the first place!! Makes no sense, but all I know is I have to keep my face fixed on Christ so I don’t get pulled into the abyss that has seemed to blind many those around me. Thank you and I pray you find peace in the arms of the Father.